every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
