She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
