A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
