omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
