Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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