Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
