But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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