my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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