i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
