I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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