I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
