that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
