I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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