Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Randomize
