Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
