he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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