Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
