hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
