The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
