I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
