They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Watching her eat just hurts me
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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