Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
