Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
