Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
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fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
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There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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