I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
