alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
