life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
