who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
