If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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