I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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