We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
