I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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