You made me cry and you don't even care
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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