what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
