I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize