i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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