just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
