Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
