he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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