oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize