I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
