HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
