it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
