You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
