I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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