Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
