You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
