I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
