at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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