Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
