Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
