I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
