when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
