For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
