I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
