hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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