Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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