guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
