Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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