with your own penis?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
