Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
