So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
