You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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