He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
