Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
