Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
