I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
she smelled like a LAN party
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
