Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I intend to get homeless drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize