you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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