i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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