A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
