Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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