i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
