i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
